Writing, Clear and Simple

I’ve pointed out (and pointed at, jeering) some examples of How Not To Write. Courtesy of David at Faith in Fiction, here are some examples of writing done well. Savor the goodness, and remember that good writing can be fun.

Captured in the wild, and example of ad copy so bad it may make you want to wash your eyes out with soap:

“Our expertise in On Demand Business can help you cope with an ultradynamic marketplace by developing an innovation-driven strategy which increases agility as it blunts commoditization. We can even help you better execute your strategy in play.”

This was spotted by Mike McLaughlin in an ad in the Wall Street Journal, but it looks as if it could have been created by the Dilbert Mission Statement Generator. Mike commented that he has no idea what the sentence means. If you ask me, it doesn’t mean anything, but it’s supposed to fool us into thinking it means something important. After all, it has all those important-sounding words in it.

Guess what, guys. Stringing together a bunch of polysyllabic words does not a coherent sentence make. As Mike asks:

In a face-to-face meeting with a client, would you say anything like the nonsense in that ad? I doubt it. Then why write that way?

Why indeed. People want to have a conversation with you. If you’d actually say something like “developing an innovation-driven strategy which increases agility as it blunts commoditization”—with a straight face—in a conversation, then you need professional help.

It’s your chance to speak up. Via e-mail, Jack asks about word choice in business communication:

Most of my writing is business oriented, and I seem to have a proclivity for using words that are not “average” to my readers.  Oh, yeah, “proclivity” would be one of those.  When someone is not being forthcoming and/or honest in his or her message, I address it as “specious”.  That sends them all to the dictionary.

Do you have any suggestions for ways I could “tone it down” to reach all my readers? 

(BTW, I don’t want to just get stupid).

I don’t think there’s any reason to "get stupid" with your vocabulary. I don’t have a problem with words like proclivity and specious (but I’ll admit that I may not be the best gauge for this).

It seems to me that if this is only an occasional issue, then it isn’t a big problem. After all, if you don’t read things that make you crack open your dictionary from time to time, then you might as well be reading "See Dick run."

But what if it’s more than occasional? What advice do you have for Jack?

"Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."

—Ronald E. Osborn

Seems like some people don’t know there’s a difference between your and you’re; I frequently see people writing things like "Your doing fine." (And I respond "I didn’t know I had any doing fine. Where is my doing fine?) It’s that whole homophone confusion issue; when two words sound exactly the same, it’s easy to yews the wrong won.

Obviously, you all know that your is a possessive pronoun, and you’re is the contraction for you are. But for your friends and relatives who don’t, here’s a quick tip: When in doubt about which one to use, try replacing it with our. If the sentence still makes sense, then just add the y back.

For example, the sentence "Is that your Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator?" also works as "Is that our Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator?" On the other hand, "Your going to love seeing Bugs Bunny steal Marvin’s Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator," doesn’t make any sense as "Our going to love seeing Bugs Bunny steal Marvin’s Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator," so clearly we used the wrong your. We need the contraction you’re.

[Editor’s note: The biggest problem here is that people who make this error are not usually aware that they’re making the error. Acknowledging that you have a problem is the most important step.]